It’s a shitty feeling when you get screwed over. It’s basically one of the worst feelings in the world. I’ve had some experience with this (well, haven’t we all at some point?) and I wanted to share exactly what you can do to overcome it.
Let me tell you about how this came up for me. I’m in a very large facebook group with over 20,000 entrepreneurs and there was this certain post by a woman. She was talking about office politics and how she got stabbed in the back and was asking for advice on how to handle the situation.
Some people said to report them, others suggested she watch her back, or simply just don’t talk to them. My answer was quite different from theirs.
So much so that I really had to think about posting it. I honestly didn’t know if people were ready to hear my answer, because sometimes people just want an excuse to bitch and complain.
But I decided to go through with it and my answer was simply….to forgive them.
Forgiveness is the best answer. Because it’s for you, not for them.
How Forgiveness Worked for Me
Before I started Left-Brained Hippie, I worked at a music store selling recording equipment to studios. I worked there for 9 years, and I liked it for quite a long time. However, by the time I left, there was a lot of bad blood. I wasn’t quite spiritual yet, but I was just done with the negative energy.
When I left for maternity leave, they said some things they shouldn’t have and, if I’m being honest, so did I. While on leave, I was absolutely dreading the month of April because it’s when I had to ask for my money from them. They owed me about 6 weeks worth of pay for vacation time. When the day inched closer when I had to ask them, I had become a lot more spiritual at that point.
So, I decided to try something radical. I decided to try forgiving them.
It took a while because I was abso-fucking-lutely pissed off at them, but I genuinely decided to forgive them.
When I finally forgave them, I contacted them to get my severance and all they said was “okay, come pick your check up on Thursday”, and prepared it that day.
To my surprise, I actually did get my money a couple of days later. I was completely expecting trouble, and having to chase after them (because that’s what it had become, before I left on maternity leave). But it was actually really easy.
And I feel that was a direct result from me forgiving them.
How can you really forgive someone?
For those who are calling bullshit, I know how difficult it can be to deal with someone you’re pissed at. And I’m not saying that the anger or negativity goes away on the first try, necessarily (although it can).
But once I took the time to really forgive them, that energy was totally cleared. They were actually very polite and respectful towards me.
And let’s face it--when you expect the worse from someone, that’s what you’ll get.
Likewise, when you expect the best from someone, that’s what you get.
When you genuinely expect goodness from someone, you will get that back.
(If you need an example of this, think of that one person who’s a total asshole to everyone except one particular person. It’s because that person expects the good behaviour--doesn’t just hope for it, EXPECTS it.)
When you expect bad behaviour from someone, that’s exactly what you’ll get.
But what is forgiveness really? It’s not condoning their bad behavior, or letting them get away with it either.
It’s simply releasing the anger, or frustration that you’re holding onto with a death grip. When you forgive and release those thoughts and feelings, your vibration soars. And THAT, my friend, is exactly when you become a manifesting magnet.
The best part of forgiveness is that you get to expect to get better behavior from people. But you really have to forgive from the inside out. You have to genuinely feel like you’ve forgiven them. You’ll know that you’ve accomplished that if you can think of them or that specific incident, and not feel anything negative.
And for those who are still resistant (especially for those who got royally fucked over), it’s completely up to you what you decide. I’m not telling you what to do – you don’t have to forgive them. But in return, you’re just stuck holding onto that lower energy that weighs you down.
Sometimes it’s a question of, “do I want to be right, or do I want to be happy?”
Sometimes it's a question of, "do I want to be right or do I want to be happy?"
Do you want to be right, or do you want to be happy? #justfuckingforgivethemalready
What Do I Have to Do to Forgive Someone?
So, how do you actually forgive someone? Especially someone who was a complete asshat (or worse) to you?
I’ve been fortunate enough to never have anything super dark and terrible happen to me, so I don’t pretend to understand everything that you may be going through. However, there are people who come back from that and I truly think it came from their power to forgive.
With consistent work, this exercise can work on anything. No matter how badly you feel you’ve been wronged. And actually, the best part of this technique is that you don’t have to have some long drawn out conversation with anyone. You don’t even have to tell them that you’ve forgiven them.
Step #1: Relive the Infamous Incident.
Take a memory or experience that still triggers you. Anything that brings you anxiety, negative energy, or a pit in the middle of your stomach. Once you have it, close your eyes. Let the feelings bubble up. Put yourself back in that position and acknowledge the thoughts and emotions that you felt in that situation. Anger, resentment, bitterness. Everything. Then, take a nice deep cleansing breath.
Step #2: Forgiving
Then say, Thank you. I’m sorry. I love you. I forgive you.
Thank you – Due to this negative experience, you’ve had the opportunity to expand as a person. Sometimes it takes bad experiences to know what you really want. Thank them for triggering this expansion in you.
I’m sorry – Acknowledge that you had a part in the experience and you’re sorry for everything negative that transpired.
I love you – A kind of love that comes from being a human being. In having one consciousness. Sending good vibes to that person. Doesn’t matter how much you can’t stand this person – especially if you’re don’t fucking want to. Send out the love that you wish to receive back.
I forgive you – Mean it. From the bottom of your heart.
Step #3: Exhale the Negativity
Finally, imagine exhaling that negative energy. See that black smoke coming out of your body. It’s leaving your body and leaving behind only a good aura of glitter and unicorns.
And honestly, this may have to be done multiple times. If it’s something recent, it may work the first time. But if you’ve had this buried for many years, it requires a bit more work and repetition. Do it until you feel free of it. Do it until you can think of a painful memory and it doesn’t affect you anymore. You don’t want to be triggered by those negative emotions anymore.
But the most important person you need it forgive is yourself. Do this as often as you need to. In fact, you’re probably the number 1 person you need to do this for. We are our own worst critic. Forgive yourself for what you are beating yourself up for. Let go of the stress, worry, and anxiety. It may be difficult in the beginning, but it does get easier.
Last quick tip: Keep a running list of everything and everyone you need to forgive and work on one thing every day.