I bet there’s something you want something so freaking badly. Maybe you even believe it’s possible. And yet for some reason, that shit is just. not. coming.
We all want money, ease, joy, and flow but we struggle so damn hard for it. We picture these things in our mind and we think “someday, when I’m successful I’ll have that”. It’s something distant and far off into the future. It’ll come “when”. Like, you’ll flip on a magical light switch and then it’ll all just fall into place at some point.
But the truth is, it all comes down to a subconscious belief that your business has to be a struggle. When we subconsciously believe that it’s somehow wrong or that it’s not possible to have a business that’s full of ease, abundance, and flow, our mind will sabotage it.
(see “Passive Income Screws With Your Mindset” for more insight on why we make things harder than they need to be)
It’s all you think about. You feel so strongly about it and you’re working your ass off. You’re reading all the self-help books, you’re saying affirmations, you’re doing the work in your business….and it’s STILL not happening. That dream life is still “out there” instead of “right here”.
If this is you, chances are that one of these 4 things is to blame.
We tend to picture success as some far off, elusive dream. But that’s the wrong way to go about it. If you were to sit down and think about what success means to you and how your day would look like it, chances are, a lot of your day would be pretty similar. You might wake up at the same time, continue to take the kids to school, and even eat the same things for breakfast. You already have a lot of elements of success and abundance, and you can begin upgrading to even more things now.
Sometimes this means big things like quitting your day job and pursuing your business full time, or something small like buying the better kind of toilet paper. It might mean eating only organic food or buying the nice pens with the gel thingies on the sides. It’s all about doing things that make you feel rich and abundant.
There’s not a magic dollar figure that will make you “feel” successful without you making the conscious decision to feel that way. You can feel successful on $30,000 or on $300,000 a year. As a friend of mine, Emily Grace said so eloquently, “Wealthy is something you feel, not something you get”. Bang on, girl.
You might imagine success in terms of a bigger house or a nice car. But what actually comes with those dreams is a feeling. We are chasing feelings of ease, joy, freedom, and happiness. But guess what? You can begin feeling that right now. You don’t have to wait until later. Because feelings are free.
Sit down and list out 10 things that you think you have to be in order to consider yourself successful. Positive and negative. Whatever you perceive you have to be in order to achieve your success. “I need to be busier. I need to do more in a day. I will be more stressed.”
Now cross off everything from that list that you don’t want to be. I bet you don’t want to be more busy or stressed out, for example. Whatever is left on that list that are positive, you can start stepping into those traits now. You don’t have to wait until later to feel rich and successful. Who do you need to BE to step into that life?
I used to be a health coach and I worked WAY too much. I was constantly on my phone (so much that my son ripped it from my hands and threw it on the floor in frustration). And the truth is, you don’t feel rich when you’re working a ton of hours with very little return. I was actually scared to see how much I was making per hour because I was sure that it was lower than minimum wage. It did not feel abundant at all. In fact, I felt broke as hell, even though I was making more money than I ever had at that point.
As an online business owner, you make your own to-do list and create deadlines. And hint hint, that to-do list will never ever be finished. So when you choose to work 12 hour days, you’re consciously deciding to do it (because you absolutely do not have to).
If working your ass off doesn’t make you feel abundant, then don’t fucking do it. It’s not serving you. There’s a big difference between working 12 hour days because you want to and working 12 hour days because you feel like you have to.
You might be sitting there saying, “but Shelsey, you don’t understand--I HAVE to work this much to get the ball rolling”. And I’m telling you--no you don’t. If you’re working so much that other important areas of your life are suffering, then you’re working more than you need to.
Punishing yourself is not the answer. Your business should not feel like a punishment. It should light you up.
Punishing yourself is not the answer. Your business should not feel like a punishment. It should light you up.
An example of what my day looks like now: right now I work between the hours of 9-5. But I’m not actually working 100% that whole time. I take a lot of breaks. Sometimes I need yoga or a snack or want to watch something on netflix. I don’t work straight through and I don’t push myself if I don’t feel like it...I’m making more money than I’ve ever made in my life.
My definition of success is to be able to work when I want to and doing only the work that I want to, while still earning plenty of money for bills and fun stuff. And by that definition, I’m already a success.
2. You’re focusing on the negative
Have you ever seen the movie The Secret? I really was not in love with that movie because I felt like it left out some pretty crucial info. When it comes to the Law of Attraction, the way they explained it was, you sit in your arm chair, think about what you want, and it falls into your lap. Which isn’t how it works. But the biggest takeaway I did learn from that movie was to focus on the positive.
At that time, I was already aware of the law and was working on applying it to my own life. I kept thinking over and over, “I don’t want to have any debt”. But debt is a negative! Just the word itself implies that you’re in the negative! Since you get more of what you focus on, guess what I got more of--you got it, more debt.
The Universe doesn’t hear the word no. It hears whatever you’re focused on. Everything is yes to the universe.
Another example of this was when I was focusing on not going back to work when my maternity leave was over. I focused on this every day. But the problem with that is that I was saying it in the negative. Instead, I focused on staying home with my baby. Then 9 days later, I had manifested 8 clients as a VA (I chose 2 and turned the rest away!) so that I could stay home and work 20 hours a week at home instead of 40 hours a week at a job I hated. Once I finally switched from negative to positive and made it clear to the Universe what I wanted, it came just like that.
Emotions play a pivotal role in manifesting and the law of attraction. They indicate what you’re focused on, and how strongly you’re focused on it. If you’re a 10 when it comes to stress about the bills, you’re sending out a shit ton of negative energy.
When you feel very strongly about something, whether positive or negative, you’re going to attract more of it quickly. Your emotions are the indicator of what you feel--if you feel like crap when it comes to money, politics, and whatever else, you’re going to attract more of that into your life. When you feel happy, joyful, and light, you’re going to manifest more of that.
The Universe doesn’t see anything as good or bad. It’s just energy. Humans are the ones who assign meaning to everything. It just sees what you’re focusing on, and it gives you what it thinks you want.
When you pay bills, you can feel amazing about the fact that your needs are covered, or you can feel shitty because there’s never enough. The choice is yours to make. One of my clients even has bill paying parties where she turns on music and dances it out with her husband when they pay their bills. Appreciate everything that that bill does for you. It will allow you to focus on the positive instead of the negative.
Write down 10 things that you want. The most important part is that you should write it in the positive. Tell the universe exactly what you want - not just what you don’t want.
Bonus points if you can get in the habit of writing it down every day or even each week!
3. You’re expecting life to go pear shaped
The universe gives us what we are expecting every time. Our brain always wants to be right. So it will go out of it’s way to make sure that it’s never wrong. You know Murphy’s Law, the worst thing that can happen will happen? It’s something that’s ingrained in us since we were children. It’s the type of language that we use with ourselves. “How fucking typical. Go figure. This always happens.” Every time you use that type of language, you’re reinforcing that belief that things always go wrong for you. And is that really a belief that you want to carry around with you?
Have you ever known a person who’s just a real pain in the ass to everyone, but for some reason, they’re super nice and well-behaved to just one person (like their grandma or their sibling)? And have you ever wondered why that one person receives kindness from them? Because they genuinely expect it.
If you have kids, it works great too. If I go into each day with the expectation that my children are going to be well behaved and in a great mood, that’s generally what I get. But if I wake up with a terrible attitude because “mornings are the worst”, that’s what I’ll get--a cranky ass 4 year old.
I set the intention to have a calm morning and then I expect it to happen.
Your beliefs are a lens through which you see the world. And your brain will actually block out any proof to the contrary. It’s called the confirmation bias, and it basically plugs its ears and says “la la la I can’t hear you la la la” to anything that doesn’t fit with your beliefs.
I like to view the part of your brain that accepts information as a bouncer at a bar. You know, one of the big, tall and bald ones. He lifts the velvet rope for anything that fits with his beliefs and then closes it for anything he disagrees with.
For example, if you have an underlying belief that good things don’t last, then here’s how that might play out: you’re gaining momentum in your business, people are engaging with you, maybe you make some sales, but then SCREEEEEEECH. It all comes to an abrupt stop (sometimes for no apparent reason, sometimes it appears to be tech issues, or lack of time). What are you going to think? Chances are, it’ll be along the lines of, “See? I knew it. Nothing ever works out for me. Why should it work out this time?”
Essentially, you manifested a situation that confirms your beliefs, because you expected it.
Pick an area of your life where you’re struggling. Then write down “I always…” and write the first 10 beliefs that come to mind. After that, write “I never...” with 10 more beliefs. We are trying to dig deep to hear what your subconscious is saying when you’re not really listening.
Don’t be afraid to go deep--remember, these beliefs are creating self-fulfilling prophesies every day, so let’s get rid of the ones that don’t serve you.
4. You got what you want but you didn’t even notice it
About a year ago, my husband and I decided to move to New Zealand. We wanted to give ourselves about a year and a half before we move. By the end of 2017. I thought that was a good timeline. But as the months kept passing, my husband kept saying two years. He never actually began counting down. We weren’t acknowledging that we were getting closer and closer to our goal.
You need to set a goal and track what you receive that goes toward that goal. You may have a goal to make 2k a month, but you only think about the money from your business and not from other sources. The Universe will be like “wtf? I just GAVE you all this shit and you didn’t even notice!” I shit you not, if I find a nickel in the street I will track and count it.
Chances are, when you start tracking, you’ll be surprised at how much you’ve gotten. And it doesn’t have to be cash. It can be value too. Whenever someone brought you dinner, or paid for your coffee, that counts too. If you don’t track, you don’t know if you’ve hit it. No matter how much money you receive, track it and say thank you to the Big U.
Use a tracker. I personally use the Lucky Bitch tracker from the app store. The point is to really acknowledge every penny that comes in. You have more money coming to you than you think. For the next 30 days, track everything. And I promise you, you’ll not only feel a lot more abundant about money, but in turn you’ll start receiving more of it.